DIANNE DEAL
SONGWRITING, GUITAR, BASS (GUITAR BUT PITCHED DOWN), VOCALS, BACKING VOCALS, PRODUCTION, CATERING (ORDERING SHAKE SHACK WHEN THEY'RE HUNGRY)
The 24-year-old cyclopian CREATIVE BERSERKER and self-proclaimed "hot one" of the group, Dianne eats, sleeps and breathes MUSIC. Her axe, lovingly christened "DIANNOSAUR JR.", has all the wear-and-tear of an amateur passionately mashing out bar chords (including the classic DUCT-TAPE and an ever-absent HIGH E STRING), in all likelihood because she refused to let being LEFT-HANDED stop her from playing RIGHT-HANDED.
But though she may be woefully lacking in technical prowess, tact, and depth perception, she more than makes up for it with a BOISTERIOUS EGO and an ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE of music both popular and decidedly unpopular, and she has her dear friend RUTH to thank for translating her wicked sonic ideas into those digestible by modern MUSIC THEORY.
RUTH RUNDGREN
SONGWRITING, GLOCKENSPIEL, EXECUTIVE PRODUCER (PAYING FOR SHAKE SHACK WHEN DIANNE DOESN'T HAVE ANY MONEY WHICH IS MOST OF THE TIME)
Dianne's 22-year-old PARTNER IN CRIME who doesn't proclaim much of herself at all, really. Her glockenspiel, lovingly christened "THE GLOCKENSPIEL", is the kind of $70 piece of crap they use in middle school band recitals, but Ruth's VIRTUOSO MUSICIANSHIP (along with her insistence on using the quadruple-mallet "STEVENS GRIP") makes it sound like the second coming of Christ.
While Ruth comes off as rather quiet, studious and easily embarrassed, her PERCUSSION CHOPS are nigh unmatched, she has perfect pitch, and she can read sheet music, which is basically a SUPERPOWER as far as Dianne is concerned. Indeed, Ruth is often the ROPE tethering Dianne to the ground when the winds of BLIND AMBITION begin to sweep her away, at least barring times when the winds of blind ambition are JUST TOO STRONG.
And though Ruth does legitimately respect Di as an artist, it's hard for her to deny the unmistakable truth - she's HEAD-OVER-HEELS IN LOVE with this moron. If only she wasn't so shy, and more importantly, if only the object of her affections weren't denser than Black Metal.
THE AUTHOR
By day,"King of Comedy" Geno7 ekes out a meager existence on nightmarish customer service jobs, and by night he draws, makes music and codes stuff. He gets overly emotional about sappy mecha animes, punishingly difficult retro action games, y2k-era cartoons and weirdo cult bands. His glasses give him the power of "not be able to see indoors"